| Ænema |
[Aug. 14th, 2009|11:53 pm] |
I got a message from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) 0928soubi asking me to block a certain user from the community because of personal security reasons and feeling threatened by someone who apparently had a whopping two accounts. A regular sockpuppetmaster!
I also got a message (from a variety of different people) telling me I ought to change the rules because new people that were adhering to them were being tormented because they weren't aware of a new "vibe" that permeates the community. Alrighty then...
After some long thought, I decided that since I'm now old and bitter anyways, I ought to go ahead and make sure that everyone is warm, safe, and properly tucked away...
Fuck all you junkies and fuck your short memory.
Fuck smiley glad-hands with hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional, Insecure actresses.
Time to bring it down again. Don't just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines. I can't imagine why you wouldn't welcome any change, my friend. I wanna see it all come down. Suck it down. Flush it down.
I'm out. Nice knowing you all. |
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| When I'm right, I'm really right... |
[Jun. 9th, 2008|01:08 pm] |
A long time ago I posted about a scam-artist who goes by the name of "Bradley Quick", specifically in regards to something called "Curvolution" that I thought smelled realllllly fishy.
As it turns out, this guy has also been a mouthpiece for narconon, a known Scientology front group!
A good guideline for life applies here.. unless you want to end up brainwashed and in a UFO cult, its a good idea to stay the hell away from anyone who claims they can make you feel better about yourself before they even know who you are and requires money to do so.
Edited to add: No, this wasn't a snarky jab at Dylan of lj-proanorexia, there really is some scammer named Bradley Quick out there. |
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| LOL OK (was Writer's Block: Ewww) |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|01:07 pm] |
The home page of Livejournal.com is complaining that I haven't written a post in 6 weeks and wants to know if I have writers block. It asked me:
What is one food that you refuse to try? Why?
Tentacles
After having watched so much anime porn as a girl, they just look so cold and lifeless packaged under plastic in the weird meats section of the supermarket. I certainly just can't imagine cooking one up and eating it, it seems like it would be wrong on some fundamental level. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|05:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
What a long strange trip its been. |
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| Yay Pix! |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|11:14 pm] |
I moved all the entries tagged "pix" into the Photo Gallery (for new pictures, always tag them as pix whenever you see them, or if you are posting them select that tag) and then untagged them. Tag any other posts with pix that aren't in the photogallery if you spot them! |
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| Hmmmm |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|01:27 am] |
Do your cellphone calls sound as clear as they used to?
Has your cell company lowered the sound quality in order to make more room for high-paying laptop customers?
Sucks, doesn't it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|05:37 pm] |
Things I learned on an ANTM rerun I found on the TiVo this afternoon:
"From every twig a fashion movement grows."
-Tyra Banks, from the part where you've got Tyra Mail!
Fashion started in London in 1960. {the invention of clothing! I'll have to ask Dad what it was like growing up wearing only fig leaves and the skins of dead animals...}
Simon Doonan, guest.
Potential models go on an interview called a "goatse". A model can go on several goatse's a day. {sic}
Designers can assign you a friend.
Potential models fiend for Red Bull like its crack. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2007|11:12 pm] |
Did anyone else see the picture of the handwritten list supposedly made by Paris Hilton? It was found in her storage locker with a bunch of photos of her, and one of the things listed was "Call someone if I feel like throwing up", or something similar.
Hmmm... When Paris Hilton did that Carls Jr ad, I can remember thinking she had vaguely jacked my style or something. :-)
Turns out she wasn't keeping her burger and shake either. :-) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2007|03:19 pm] |
I waited all day for him to wake up so we could watch more reruns of "Weeds", and he didn't wake up until the afternoon and now is insisting on watching a football game with the bears. Apparently they might go to the big game with all the cool commericals at the end.
But I said I'd watch with him if we get pizza to go with drunk.
I just learned that "Flurries" are basically like snow falling at the speed of a drizzle. I never knew that before, I always figured it was a dead word that nobody would actually use in conversation unless they were a meteorologist. |
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| Crazy things |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|01:20 am] |
I met the most interesting couple at the mall a few days ago.
Except I can't talk about it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|11:57 pm] |
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Who owns youtube anyways? That place is creeping me out. |
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| Oooh neat! |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
LJ has added something for community maintainers to make our lives a whole, whole lot easier:
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/recent_comments.bml?authas={YOUR COMMUNITY NAME}
Put the name of the community where it goes, getting rid of those bracket things also. The most recent comments show up in time order, regardless of the message they were in reply too. Makes it a whole lot easier to get rid of comments left by trolls who do a whole bunch of them all at once, provided someone notifies a maintainer in time and the maintainer notices that it time. |
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| No Sleep Till Brooklyn! |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|12:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
I can truly empathize with what the artist - DJ Alex - was thinking when the piece was played. That being "Techno Mix (1)"
Yep, that handfull of uppers is kicking in! |
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| Porno theme idea: ANTM Dropouts? |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|02:22 pm] |
Getting cut in the first episode of America's Next Top Model is the industry's way of saying "But hey, you still have a career waiting in porno!".
Don't you think saying that you were on ANTM would at least be good enough for a try-out session/appointment audition thingy in the porn industry? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|12:45 am] |
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Damn.. Depressed russian men make Kurt Cobain look like Barney. |
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| What are you doing for the weekend? |
[May. 28th, 2006|08:05 am] |
I B/P'd twice yesterday then ended up keeping down a meal-sized amount last night because I was um, rather drunk and having too much fun. I woke up about half an hour ago took an ibuprofen and started drinking water (mild headache LOL)
But I had a really good time last night. We watched porno bloopers (Ya, they made me laugh too now that I think about it) then went into the bedroom to mess around, but it was late and we were both really tired and we just ended up curled up around each other asleep.
Tonight we are going to make smores! |
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| Wait, what were the results again? |
[May. 25th, 2006|01:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 91360 | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cypress | ] |
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060524/hl_nm/marijuana_dc
( UCLA study finds no link between lung cancer and smoking pot )
They couldn't find the link because they like, lost it somewhere, dude. Hahah.
No seriously, this makes me want to go get something to refill the bong today.
Although I would like to propose an ALTERNATE explanation for why marijuana might not cause cancer. I happen to think its because smoking buds seems to act as an expectorant or something, all that coughing going on after each hit even. I think it helps the lungs to clean themselves out a bit, which compensates for the fact that just about anything you are dumb enough to burn then inhale will produce cancer-causing free radicals. So pack it into a bong, which filters those out, and I'll toke my way to clean, healthy lungs! |
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| Thought for the day... |
[May. 24th, 2006|12:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Some people are haunted by the voices from their past.
I can't remember shit. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2006|11:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Whats so maybe about | ] |
Uh, hasn't anyone else noticed yet that this whole dramathon matches typical internet uhhh munchausens by http proxy?
I sense a case of Teh Internetz dizorder... |
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| less than 3 no more. |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|06:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Hey what the hell, I can't post a <3 without typing a bunch of goddamned HTML (amperthingy lt semicolon). Not that they aren't showing, but rather, than they are being censored.
That sucks. Why is this happening? It didn't used to be that way. |
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| Briefly freaked out here |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|09:00 pm] |
I was looking thru pics at another forum, most of bulimics and sometimes with their binges... when I saw something that really made me pause and shudder. An asian girl looking quite puffy cheeked and hungry, holding a pet dog, with a toaster oven and a sink in the background.
She's holding a dog in the kitchen.
I know I should be more tolerant of other cultures, and I know its probably just a joke, but my skin still crawled when I thought of that girl eating that dog. |
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| Makin Squeezin' Art with the Cuisinart |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|03:32 pm] |
Made myself a shake in the blender. Two bananas, a bunch of frozen strawberries, and about half a gallon of vanilla ice cream.
I'm chugging it now while eating fruit cocktail. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|12:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
Great, LiveJournal logged *everyone* out.
Like, all million billion trillion users.
Argh |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|04:21 pm] |
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Why do I sometimes kegel when I purge? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|11:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lazy | ] |
Sometimes I wish we could just skip past all the pink floyd crap and get to the cartoons. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|02:41 pm] |
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YAY CROSS COUNTRY VACATION! |
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| love is... |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|11:07 pm] |
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love is a man who will stick his fingers down your throat when you've drunk entirely too much, to help you feel better. |
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| OMG! Baby Plunger! |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
Home Depot now carries a baby plunger thats just about the right size for unplogging sinks! Seriously, he's like a little over a foot tall and the rubber part is maybe half the regular size!
Its soooo cute, and its just under two bucks, so I call mine "Two Buck Upchuck" :-)
x-posted to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) purgatorium |
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| So um yeah, its been a while |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|02:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy | ] |
A few months ago I met this great guy who shares my alternative food lifestyle views. Well, it wasn't long after that that we got a hotel room and spent some time together. There's nothing like binging in bed with a partner in everything, heheheh.
Well, here's where the story gets interesting. He got the room as part of a group purchase thing, his sister works for some big company or something and was back in town on business. Well, the rooms were back to back - but there was no door between them or anything like that, and it was a new hotel, so there wasn't going to be any issues with sound or anything like that. It was all good, or so I thought.
Until I clogged the sink after much fun had already happened. That sucker would just not unclog either, it was slow, it'd fill then drain some. Eventually we decided to leave and get a plunger. As we were coming back, I was carrying the plunger and his sister walks out, and asks him if he's having drain problems too. I quickly say that the toilet was clogged, and she says that her sink is clogged, and something that looks like vomit is backing up into it.
Oh shit! But hey, she got a bunnnch of money off her bill, and they put her in an upgraded room further away from us. We never reported our clog - just left for a while, when they unclogged her side it fixed our side nicely, and I washed out the sink. Totally hilarious, trecherous fun. She still doesn't know her brother is also bulimic either - and apparently she often takes him out for lunches.
Oh - sex is amazing too, especially "afterwards" heheh. |
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| YUM |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|01:08 am] |
So I am staring up into the blender as the last of an ice cream and fruit concoction I made up hangs at the top, frustrating me to no end.
Suddenly, inspiration strikes, and I reach up with my left hand around to the base of the blender which is totally out of sight, and turn the little square thingy that normally is connected to the motor.
The blade rotates slowly, and a big glop of ice cream comes sliding out, into my waiting mouth and straight down my throat!
Only later did I wonder what it would have looked like from the third person perspective...
--
I just unfriended everyone who unfriended me in the few months since I had last updated. LOL it was a bunch of peeps too. Ah well. |
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| Beautiful Struggle |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | naughty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself | ] |
Lately I've been a little .. dirty in the disorder I guess. For example, here's how todays little episode went...
Ate a bunch of leftover pizza. It wasn't that great tasting, but it was chunky - lots of texture, good to choke on a little I guess. Which is sort of what I wanted? I don't even know anymore... anyhow, so I went to purge that, barfed most of it in the sink handsfree - hahah I swear I made my own special blend of lasagna there - thats exactly how it tasted coming out - and exactly how it looked too. Didnt make me choke at all either, I guess I chewed too much lol.
Anyways, then I got in the shower, got all wet, then gagged myself, had several dry heaves then finally a little bit of juice came out... and doing this made me really horny, as it has in the past. So I drank a bunch of water, then masterbated with the showerhead to a thundering orgasm, then purged again - got lots of spashy chunks all over everything, a fine mess was made. Then I drank a bunch of water, washed my hair, purged again and it was almost all water, ate my Cal Snack and dried off totally satisfied.
Yes, I know I'm a total freak, I just want to be told I'm not the only one out there... I mean I didnt even think about sex, I just thought about the purge, if anything.
xposted to purgatorium |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|02:39 am] |
Oh god I'm 26, and there's just not as much reason for me to exist as there used to be. Sigh. I'm getting old... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|08:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  surprised | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Love in an Elevator - Aerosmith | ] |
So earlier today I was walking towards the front of our favorite low price store whose name shall not be stated for fear of teh wrath, with my arms loaded down full of a bunch of, well, binge food [4 pudding packs, half gal tub of ice cream, 3 big boxes of mac and cheese, . And a bunch of bananas.
Suddenly I notice this rather striking lady with black hair was giving me this look, and staring at me. I started to talk and she just spontaneously blurted out "I'm only going to get one thing" before I could finish the second word of "You know what they say, never eat more than you can carry".
I mean, I figure like, if she's figured it out, she's figured it out, you know?
Weirdest moment ever! |
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| A very brief summary of April 11, 2005 |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|12:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tori Amos - Barons of Suburbia | ] |
Met a guy at DMV getting a new license, he was overly friendly but yet, strangly shy in a sort of puppyish enthusiastic way. Came home, had fruit loops and then ice cream and then made a beautiful mess in the shower, rinsed twice just because I felt the itch. He called me up and we had part of a conversation about what movie to see, me thinking not about the movie but instead about how to just get on with the evening and off of the phone. Took a nap, ate a handfull of fruit loops, drank a bunch of water and let them fly. Got ready, showered again but no repurge, listened to the new Tori CD until it was time to go.
Met outside the theater, he bought the tickets, walked to a bar, had a drink, went to the theater, I went to the drinking fountain and took a pill, went to the restroom and drank the tiny little vodka bottle i'd forgotten i'd had in my purse. Came back watched the movie, made out LOTS in the theater, missed most of a very emo clint eastwood flick about a boxing woman, I saw only part of it hah hah.
Walked back to his car, he gave me a ride to mine, ended up making out more in his car, ended up messing around, then around 2AM finally screwing in his car. Made a hell of a mess of the passenger seat. Fogged the windows, yay! Amazingly, there was no security or other types - no one bothered us. Maybe they watched instead? Now his Toyota Matrix is all about the sweaty footprints on the windshield, hahah. |
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| Ah, the Mellowness |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|09:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  recumbent | ] |
I had a great Xanax while I was at a friends house today; we also shared a pizza. Let that pill disolve under the tounge, it was bitter and, whatever word there isn't for the flavor of xanax on the tounge; a detail that isn't bitter, nor any other known taste. It kicked in fast and all was well.
I feel like munching now tho, but I don't really feel like purging; I'm already all relaxed as can be. I also don't want to take drugs to kill the appetite, because well, while they are currently in great supply, xanax isn't and uppers will ruin my nice mellow high.
Time for some hard candies I guess? |
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| Recent Events... |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
Well, recently I saw The Wrestler again. As it turns out, this guys life is basically falling apart now. His car got reposessed while he was at some really scummy state-run clinic picking up medication or something. I don't really know what was going on there, I don't really want to know what was going on there. So I went alllll the way to ventura and picked him up, just because I like to pretend I'm a nice person, even tho really, I'm not, because I'm talking smack about him across the entire internet. I guess you could say everything in his life is going to shit. He's staying at what must be one of the seediest hotels along Thompson, you know the old business 101, in Ventura. Rent by the week sort of place, the kind you might find used crack vials in if you checked in and looked around too hard.
The stench lingered after I dropped him off. I'm not entirely certain about this, but could that have just been farts? I have this deep fear that he was secreting ass juice all along and some of it might have seeped into the seat cushions. I so need to get this car steamcleaned now or something. But anyways, I digress. Since I was already in Ventura, and my car already smelled like shit, I decided to make the best of the situation.
I headed over to the Home Depot off Vineyard and picked up some pretty looking plants, some containers, some premixed soil with cricket castings, and also, a big bag of manure. I set the bag of manure in the front passenger seat. Needs cleaning anyways, right? You know the worst part? Compared to that guys ass-juice smell, the bag of manure, it was like one of those leaf-shaped air fresheners you hang in the mirror. Hell of a lot easier to tolerate.
--
Oh, speaking of flowers, the first sprouts from "The BEEKEEPER MIX" have sprouted! Has anyone else grown any of the seeds that came with their Tori Amos CD/DVD bonus set? Dang, those were some weird looking seeds, many of them had tufts of colored hair on them and stuff... I wasn't even sure they were real. But, it would seem they were!
--
Also, last friday, I spent some time with "The Bricklayer", who is an all around cool guy. We're sort of friends with benefits I guess. He's reallly tall, kinda overweight and soft, which means the sex is almost always good, if I'm on top its like being on the human sex matress, totally comfy and accomodating, and when I'm on bottom, I actually get to feel small while he fucks me like a steamroller! ;-) Anyhow, we didn't screw that night, but we did have a different adventure - sneaking food from WalMart into the theater! I got daring and decided I wanted to have a pack of Danish Rollers, so I stuffed them partly down my jeans between my hips, and also up my hoodie, and kind of hunched over them slightly.
We decided to see The Ring Two. Opening night. Yay!
Then we realized there was an issue with the theater being sold out, and we bought tickets for a show that started in like, an hour and a half! So I had this thing of Danish Rollers stuffed up next to me the whole time I was waiting in line inside the theater, to get good seats at the back. By the time we got in the theater and then, watched previews while eating some of the boxed WalMart candy (which looks identical to the stuff the theater sells, muahahah)... it'd been almost two hours. Lights dim, feature starts, we break out the soda and I pull the package of 8 danish rollers out.
OMG they were soooo warm, they were like perfectly body temperature, and ya know, that's just about the perfect temperature for these things! Totally delicious. So yeah I basically binged in the theater, on a small level anyways, and kept it, but whatever. That was the last day of the seven day deal I cut with myself anyways, and the next day's two b/p's were totally flawlessly fantastic, so its all good.
I feel sorry for any of the schmucks who ordered tickets on the internet; the previews promise all this convienence and shit if you do this, including no lines. Thats gotta be great, to hassle with doing an internet order for movie tickets, and then get there in time for the movie, only to discover that people have been waiting for a couple hours and you will be seated in whatever random seats happen to be left, hahah. So, never order movie tickets on the internet. I mean really, you have to show up anyways, and wait in line to get seats if it matters, or not if it doesnt, regardless. If you could book seats on the Internet, that would be one thing. But you can't, so why bother? The theaters just want to get your money without having to hire as much staff to work the registers...
What the hell is it about the twisted face of the corpses in The Ring and The Ring Two that are always good to get me to jump out of my skin? Its strange, its like some primal responce that works even when I was distracted in the theater - just the face itself, with no plot, flashed suddenly is enough to provoke a responce in me - and most everyone else in the theater it seems! Oh well. The movie was a bit cheesier than the first - but it wasn't just a repeat, instead of the "do something very unethical to save your kid" dilema, we were presented with the classic biblical dilemas of "sacrafice your childs life" and "sacrafice your own life", so they at least switched archetypes, but I didn't think the plot was as well thought out, not as much suspense at all - but jumpier I think! So, all in all it was still a damned good time! |
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| The rest of the food list, etc. |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|10:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dresden Dolls - Girl Anacronism | ] |
( list of foods, partly missing some info, but mostly there (all food is there, just some data missing) )
Next day, purged twice, came up like silk too, LOL, soooo easy. And felt way, way, way better than before too. Almost like when a junkie gets their tolerances down with some clean time, even. Amazing. Simply amazing. Ahhhh. |
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| Food So Far |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|06:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tori Amos - Ireland | ] |
3/12/05 (eep...)
( information )
I missed the 2000 kcal goal by a longshot. Had vurps after the mini pizza, it was last at 7PM, but kept everything.
The worst days are always the day of the shopping trip, lol. Theres no more muffins in the house, with any luck I'll do better tommorrow.
No electric blanket tonight, i feel all warm!
3/13/05
( information )
Not bping and no drugs is making me totally restless. Got laid today too. Went for a walk at 11PM just to try to settle down a bit. Still squirmy inside.Thinking about food as i went to sleep at mid... Took at least an hour to sleep. Imag vat of mac and cheese with noodles as big as fists. No dreams tho.
3/14/05
Woke at 5AM hungry. Like WTF real hunger, feels like I ate nothing yesterday. No dreams.
( information )
try to sleep again... Feel squirmy.
( information )
=2245 kcal
3/15/05 words words words... (1AM)
midnight again. My throat isnt sore, but it still has the same damned odd itch it has when this happened before. No random coppery tastes today.
Bored bored bored. Take away the chaos and all thats left is the gaping maw off countless hours to fill, and I am so damned restless. I cleaned parts of the house yesterday. Didnt finish anything really. Just left stripes of vaccuumed rug, randomly dusted areas. The net effect, sadly, is that the place looks dirtier than ever - the clean spots serve only to highlight just how dirty the other spots are. And this is me: eliminating the obvious problem, even briefly, only serves to show me just how fucked up the rest is.
The world, seen clearly, is a boring, dull, ugly place. It could be a lot worse, to others it is mercilessly cruel and unforgiving. Knowing this somehow doesnt seem to help much. My dreams as of late only highlight this even more.
Macaroni the size of large suburban drainage pipes, with thick sticky pasta walls, alongside a city street somewhere in Oxnard. Rivulets of molten cheese drain down their centers, flowing to somewhere else. The street median is an infinitely long three musketeers bar, and a hotrod roars across my field of vision on wheels made of licorice, cotton candy smoke leaking from its tailpipe. Across the intersection sits a classic gingerbread house with gumdrop stainedglass windows; in front there is a crucifix made of two tootsie rolls. The light changes again, and I wake up.
3/15/05 (food log) -incomplete-
( information )
I'm probably losing water and gaining fat. I feel like all the life juice is being squeeezed out of me. It probably is too. They say the human body is composed mainly of water, and not much else. I am adrift in a still, there is no wind, there are no waves, and all I can think about is how much I want to catch a great big emetic wave out of here. |
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| Healing the Throat |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Marilyn Manson - Apple of Sodom | ] |
A little earlier in the week I was out of the area I call home, and I was sorta showing off the fact that I have next to no gag reflex. I think I musta hurt something in my throat worse than I thought I did because the next night after eating stouffers mac & cheese, it was like cough cough splat, hey, there's no bright red in this. Aww shit.
So yeah, that itching thing I had been feeling in my throat apparently opened back up or whatever.
So begings an interesting week. I'm gonna end up gaining a little from this, which really really sucks because I am already right about at what is normally my upper limit (6'1/154lb). I'm not going to be tweaking or restricting either, since the whole point of this is to heal as quickly as possible so I can get on with business as usual.
I figure it'll take a week if I take vitamins and am otherwise "overly kind" to myself.
I'm just going to try not to binge. In order to facilitate that goal, and to maybe make for some interesting reading, I'm going to be keeping track of all the stuff that goes down the hatch in a notebook, along with my weight whenever I go down to the garage to weigh myself. After a week, I'll post the list. I'm hoping to eat around 2,000 kcal a day, but so far thats being difficult.
In order to make things interesting - and to hopefully minimize the amount of swallowing I do as well, I went shopping, and bought a bunch of food, none of it "diet" at all. Recovering anorexics call this "concentrating calories".
Yesterday was a mild disaster - but it was the day I went shopping for the food, thats almost always a binge day of some kind anyways. The big screwup was that damned package of muffins - once it was opened, I ate all three. I had only meant to eat one per day.
Yesterday ended up at 3070 kcal ... Today was going fine until I went with my dad to a friend of his's place to pick up some piece of yard equipment and they were having pizza for lunch; now its only 2PM and I'm already at almost 1600kcal. But hey, at least it was free. I'm not hungry, but I've got a wicked urge to snack. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|11:09 pm] |
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be). |
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| Oooh... |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | recumbent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Prince - Diamonds and Pearls | ] |
I just saw a $7,500 egg timer on TV. It works with little tiny diamonds that float down thru some sort of liquid.
I admit, I want one, but I'd never buy one. Besides, the concept is comforting: there's obviously someone out there who wastes a whole lot more money on food than I do! |
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| The Wrestler |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
OK let me start off by saying that more than anything else, I wish I could just look past my own hypocrisy.
Thru an in-real-life friend I ended up going out on a date with a guy who used to be a wrestler, and who she said was bulimic. I was thinking oh wow this is going to be so much fun, etc. We're going to binge together! And so I asked him and he was like, yeah, that sounds like a fun idea. I was so stoked, having never done anything exactly like that with a member of the opposite sex.
Normally he's not the kind of guy I'd date. He's substantially shorter than I am, shorter even than the avereage guy, and um, kind of stocky and not rich enough to make up for it. He also had some kind of skin issue going on. Dandruff too. Later I would find out he didn't exactly smell like a million bucks either. In short he wasn't anyone who'd get lucky at a bar until at least well after midnight, if at all. But I figured what the hell, it'll be fun anyways!
After we ate, he went to make drinks and I excused myself for the bathroom with a wink and a hand jesture to the mouth. He just said "Oh, do whatever you need to do, its OK with me." I was a little perplexed. I came out, and he served me a drink. He never did purge. I felt really awkward about this, but soon was too drunk to care, and thats about all I want to remember about that.
I saw him again and I found out his master plan was to take some laxatives and call it good. **shiver** Um hello, THAT DOESNT WORK (soooo obviously), and besides **shiver** what if you **shiver** randomly **shiver** have to take a shit **shiver** and you're nowhere near **shiver** the can? Ugh. He even showed me the box. I get the feeling he was trying to "belong", afterall - you know, to convey the message that he'd taken care of the deed privately. Except for two things, first of all it was supposed to be a date, second of all that takes care of nothing anyways. Not to mention, **shiver** I'm not exactly into shit and **shiver** it explains his unusual smell.
**shiver**
Next time, remember to double-check the definition of bulimic. Whoops!
**shiver**
The worst part of all of it is I know that most people think exactly the same way about me for mostly the same reasons.
Just, except two things, OK? First of all, you can control where you vomit, and the malodor may linger, but it doesnt permeate my entire existance. Second of all, what I do actually works damnit, lol. My purging isn't some random time bomb thats going to go off 3 to 12 hours after the fact, with the possibility of taking out a few innocent bystanders by way of stray clouds of war gas!
So how rotten of a human being am I? Inside I feel dirty, hypocritical, repulsed, yet sickened by my own repulsion. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|09:13 pm] |
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Someone once told me "You can't see the horizon when you're standing in your own grave". I think they were trying to make some sort of serious point, but I just shrugged said "Well, what if I stand on my toes, graves are only six feet deep you know..." |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|04:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Peter Wolf - Lights Out | ] |
To pick up purge_chic: If I could rearrange the alphabet... I'd put you between F and CK
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